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October (2) Editor's Comment

Communication between men and women. At some time in our lives all of us have wanted to beat our heads against a brick wall in frustration because we are not understood by our partners. What makes it worse, is that you can sit down and have a mature discussion (like grown adults!) – yet find to your dismay that both sides of the argument has merits. What this means is that resolving the issue is never reached.

Of course there are times when for the sake of sanity you find yourselves having to agree to disagree – but what if the issue is something near to your heart? Something you find very difficult to deal with? Perhaps something, while easily justifiable, you still find hurtful and hard to bear? What then?

The finest line can be deciding how far to balance the sake of the relationship, and your partner’s happiness, with your own. Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s a simple matter to quash your natural instincts for the sake of peace either. Sooner or later denied feelings can manufacture themselves in other ways, such as emotional pressure. This can then lead to stress, and the resulting overflow valve of this stress can do as much damage to the relationship as the original issue did.

One thing you can try is to step in your partner’s shoes. Not an easy thing to do – but role reversal can really help to see both sides of the issue more clearly sometimes. Ask yourself ‘Would I be happy to do what he/she does?’ or ‘Would my feelings be hurt if they did that to me?’ or ‘Would I be happy if I was in their situation?’ The key here is to be honest with yourself as well. It’s no good being flippant as a way of justifying your actions. Really try to see where they are coming from. Then you have to decide what is more important to you – your actions, or their feelings.

Playing games is always a dangerous game to try. Things can easily backfire on you – and let’s face it, no one likes playing the mouse. Whilst I have been witness to a few amusing moments with friends and their partners, where one person is adamant about their side of the issue – until the tables are turned, I have seen a lot more plans go awry than succeed.

If you really can’t resolve the issue with your partner, and it’s something important to you, then you have to resolve it with yourself. Whether that be compromise (meaning genuine compromise - without lingering resentments or undue stress), or deciding that this is really something you can’t live with.

Life was never meant to be easy was it?

One final word:
Women sometimes need to think about things a little less
Men sometimes need to think about things a little more

Cara Talbot –Ed.

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”

- Aldous Huxley

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