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Top Ten Things You Wish You Could Say At Work...

I have this posted to the side of my monitor to keep stress levels in check at work. And it works!

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shite.

2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a toss.

3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?

4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

6. Ahhh, I see the stuff-up fairy has visited us again.

7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

8. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

9. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?

10. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days

1. Well, aren't we just a little ray of sunshine?

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

4. Do I look like a people person?

5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

7. You! Off my planet !!

8. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

9. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self control.

10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

(Certain words or phrases have been modified so as not to offend...)

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